He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
