You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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