It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
