I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
