his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
