I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
