Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Buhtt sex?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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