I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
