did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
