ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I party with great urgency now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
