shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
