Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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