I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have fence marks all over my body
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
