soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
