I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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