i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
