I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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