Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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