I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
