Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
