I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I pour the whiskey from now on
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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