wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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