so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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