don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
