then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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