Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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