I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
