I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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