i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
