I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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