I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
why is half of my head shaved?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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