she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
