i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
