thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
