her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
