If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
