so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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