Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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