Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
