How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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