hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
