Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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