Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
