I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
