He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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