there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
