just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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