Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
