and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
