Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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